BY JUSTIN SHEA
Hey there! Are you looking for a new product with just the right amount of Islamophobia but with enough minutia that the damn liberals won’t go running around screaming about it? Then boy do I have the thing for you!
From the same administration that brought you the executive order limiting the cost of all new regulations for 2017 to $0, comes the new and improved travel ban! (MB Light). Signed on March 6th, this new overreaching executive action still has many of the aspects you loved from the original Muslim Ban. For example; six of the seven countries from the previous ban are still on the list. SIX OF THE SEVEN! That’s right Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, and Yemen, are still there!
And in terms of those pesky Iraqi’s, any one of them trying to enter the greatest nation on earth will have to be approved by the Secretary of Defense, James “Mad Dog” Mattis. Like that’s ever going to happen.
Now I know what you’re all thinking, “how can I buy into this product without being called a bigot?” Worry not, this order was strategically signed on the same day the GOP Health Care Bill was released so none of the America hating snowflakes will even pay attention! And if that isn’t enough this order gives vast amounts of vague power to the Secretary of State and the Secretary of Homeland Security to allow people in on a case-by-case basis. So if anyone accuses you of Islamophobia just mention that little fun tid bit! And if you’re concerned about people being let in on this case-by-case basis system just remember, Rex Tillerson and John Kelly were handpicked by Donald Trump’s own hands (being held by Steve Bannon).
And I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet! For 120 days, I repeat 120 days, none of these self proclaimed “refugees” or “asylum seekers” will be given entry into the U.S. Isn’t that wonderful!
If all of that isn’t enough to make your mouth water this order still has one more trick up its sleeve. This action sets up a mandate for a biometric entry-exit system! Thats right, finger prints of anyone entering this country will be taken upon arrival. Because here, we like to criminalize those who weren’t born in this blessed nation!
MB Light: Preorder yours today!
Hits the shelves March 16th, 2017